I go to the water, and if I cry, I go, and I cry... I say what I want. If you wanted more, you aren't getting more. I hold something marvelous and wonderful and sacred within me. and I don't need to show it off, and I don't need 'approval' or 'praise' for it, and I don't care if you condemn, pooh pooh, say it is only illusion, delusion... I hold this thing, and it is beautiful as it is... and it needs no eyes but mine to behold it, it needs no heart but mine to feel it, to know it! It is perfect, pure on its own. I will not sell my soul to beggers, I will not bare it for migrants... ...if this is not your home, I do not care. It's mine, it's mine, it's mine!

It is just something I need to say. John Mayer's song "Say What You Need to Say" sings faintly in my mind, underneath the renaissance music my ears are actually hearing.

Take all of your wasted honor. Every little past frustration. Take all of your so called problems, Better put 'em in quotations. Say what you need to say (x8) Have no fear for givin' in. Have no fear for giving over. You better know that in the end It's better to say too much, than never to say what you need to say again.

I quote not just from young pop singers, I quote from long dead Greek philosophers:

“You must know that it is no easy thing for a principle to become a man's own, unless each day he maintain it and hear it maintained, as well as work it out in life.” – Epictetus, Golden Sayings 30
That found at Sannion, his Greco-Egyptian Daily Wisdom #11"

This is a good quote. That 'each day he maintain it' can be the hard part. But what is life without challenges?

But I'm putting the past frustrations in the past, and I'm working on the 'each day', each day.

In particular, I am thinking of the diet principle. But I promise not to lose my sense of humor, not to become one of those pitiful wretches obsessing on every darn thing they eat, destroying their self esteem with it. I just want balance. I don't want either to be chewing through half a loaf of long deli bread in one sitting, either. At least not as a daily principle.

Ah, I do what I can, grinning when I can.

And what I can do is draw. So I draw. This time, again inspired by the beautiful Frida Kahlo:

Frida in New York City
Photo by Julien Levy - 1938

"Contemplation"

I hope to color this soon. I am thinking skin like coffee with cream (or tea with cream), and a blue dress and a orange flower, the orange to be complement to the blue of the dress.

Saturday, January 26, 2008 B

"Midafternoon Musings"
2:23pm

It's the annual Yuma Lettuce Days celebrations, and Julia and I got to Old Town before the predicted rains hit. Oh, it's a popular event, they were even arriving by the busload:

Neither Julia nor I wanted to wait in the long line for the lettuce salad. It wouldn't have been an insane wait, like that of those that stood for hours hoping to get 50 cent bean and cheese burritos at Mr G's, but Julia and I just weren't in a mood to wait.

My mood had been rather soured. One artisan had a booth of his wares and I was amused, looking at his creations, taking pictures of them. However, this did not please him. Really, he should have had a sign posted saying 'no photographs' since this was his desire. Instead, he got so crazy angry, he began screaming at me, "What are you doing? What are you going to do with them?" What are you going to do?" He accused me of stealing! I was dumbfounded.

I walked away, telling Julia and all in earshot that people could have my art in their computers, in fact I wish they would, just so they don't forget who did that art.

His anger drew forth anger in me. I am not sufficiently evolved to be able to avoid this. My sour mood ruined the rest of the 'lettuce' adventures.

I found this no photo policy in effect at another crafts booth. The lady, however, was not a raving lunatic when she told me, and did explain there was an exception for journalists. Possibly this very public journal might count, as it would bring the artisan publicity were I to mention their work. But by this time, I was not in a mood reasonable enough to explain this.

Hence, you have very few photos today. I have some from which I might draw later, of a flutist and a clown, but little else.

What did that man think _I_ was going to do with the photos? Study his style intently, create works so derivative they duplicate his style, and put up my own shop of them and outsell him?

Perhaps, too, he was very cranky because he was not making sales and not having the money to buy some of the food which was for sale everywhere. We weren't interested, but there were vegetarian items that could be had for the stand and wait. We wanted to sit and wait, so we headed to a favorite restaurant, India House. I found my mood improved greatly after a good meal, the larger half of some fish pakora and some 'bengan bartha' that really tasted a lot more like vegetable korma, but was tasty in any case.

By the time I'd gotten the last forkful in me, I was feeling pretty mellow. But not before I made Julia endure a long rant about art, art history, the nature of artistic influence, and how there would be little art and artistic evolution had artists not been inspired by other artists.

Saturday, January 26, 2008 C

"Colorful Contemplation"
11:07pm

You can tell I changed a few things in addition to making this fit 11x14...

Sunday, January 27, 2008 A

"Cold and Wet But Playing Anyway"
11:32am

The predicted rain did come last night and it is still raining this morning. That didn't stop me from wheeling the wash to the laundry room, though. (The nice new cart with big wheels helps. I saved the bags from the old ones, and attached them to the wire mesh of the new one.)

The 'Lettuce Day Festival' will be wilted today for sure. It must be a bummer for those who travel festival to festival hoping to make sales, to find themselves rained upon. I can't imagine the pluck it takes to do that. Hopefully, one who endeavors such a thing already has a fairly secure financial base, so they can just enjoy travel and seeing different towns.

In between trips to the laundry room, I worked on a drawing of one of those festival travellers, a musician who also makes flutes. I could not see that well in person, but when I looked at the photo, I could see how nice his flute looks. My drawing didn't capture that, nor did I attempt the southwestern designs on his coat, but maybe I have a fair resemblence of him overall:

José' Cabezas has a website

Sunday, January 27, 2008 B

"Very Well Fed But Thinking About Food Anyway"
9:49pm

I have no reason why I should keep thinking about food now, how good one of the peanut 'KIND' bars would taste, some cheese, some toast, etc, etc. I've eaten very well today, including a lovely meal and good conversation at a Mensa gathering. But the appetite is perky awake. I'm not going to listen to it, though. I'm just going to drink water and sip tea...

Crop of Julia from the Mensa group picture

She's holding a plateful of the delicious food we had, salad with a tasty homemade vinaigrette, pumpkin soup, shells stuffed with ricotta cheese, rice, shrimp and feta cheese casserole, edamame beans and baklava.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

"Looking Like a Leader"
9:35pm

The Arizona primary is a week away, so it was time to get the vote-by-mail ballot ready. I had no clue as to who to pick for potential president. Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton both seemed vaguely promising. "Change", they both promise, but what kind of change?

Each time I see Obama on the TV, I envision him with the Nemes headdress of the ancient Egyptian rulers. There is just something about his features that suggest he could wear one very well:

I found a photo I like from his Flicker site and a photo of a nemes headdress positioned about the same angle as his head.

But, of course, his relative handsomeness in the nemes is no reason to vote for him. (Hillary, as did Hatshepsut, could carry it off, as well.) So I took an extensive look at each of their websites. Each have strengths, both would make a worthy leader. They both vow to end the war, clean up carbon emissions and institute national health care. I like his strength on homeland security and protection of the internet. I like Hillary's strength on education, womens' issues and plans to have a council to develop new technology.

I will not say who I ultimately chose, however.

10:54pm

Coloring in process, (yes, I know too many stripes on the one side...)

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

"Slow Progress"
10:39pm

I got the lappets even, nine lapis blue stripes to each side, and made the rest of the headdress look better so far.

(I wouldn't have known that's what they're called, except for a very nice site all about the nemes, done by a French graduate student in Egyptology.) (He has it in French, of course, if you understand that better.)

Thursday, January 31, 2008 A

"Fundamental Difference"
5:12am

I wake early with thoughts. I will finish my little art project. I might even do what Julia suggested, to make a cut out of the nemes, with an open spot for 'your face here'. It was just a cute idea I had. But as I am doing it, I think about the differences between the United States of America, the land in which I live, and Ancient Egypt. There are many important differences between those two countries. There are vastly different ways in which they operated, which have nothing to do with the surface difference of the modern nation having so much technology.

It is a fundamental one, vital to how our country functions. Our country has a fundamental basis, 'separation of church and state'. Egypt was the exact opposite, in which the ruler of their land also held the highest religious position.

I go to Wikipedia to clarify this concept:

"The idea of separating the church and state is often credited to the writings of the British philosopher John Locke, which deeply influenced the drafting of the United States Constitution.[7] According to his principle of the social contract, Locke argued that the government lacked authority in the realm of individual conscience, as this was something rational people could not cede to the government for it or others to control. For Locke, this created a natural right in the liberty of conscience, which he argued must therefore remain inviolable by any government authority. These views on religious tolerance and the importance of individual conscience, along with his social contract, became influential in the American colonies."

The importance of INDIVIDUAL CONSCIENCE, this is the bedrock of our country. The state does not interfere in religious matters, as the first admendment says, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof..."

It is a distinction that is in danger of being eroded as a certain majority religion pushes for greater influence. See the text of "H. Res. 847: Recognizing the importance of Christmas and the Christian faith", in which the House of Representatives "expresses its deepest respect to American Christians..."

The Bill Status page explains, "This resolution has been passed in the House, which is the end of the legislative process for simple resolutions. The resolution now takes effect. [Last Updated: Dec 11, 2007]"

It's a outrage that this bill was passed.

I chose the candidate which in my opinion has the greatest sense of separation of church and state. I chose the one on whose website I could find no mention of their religious faith, as this to me shows the greatest separation. A candidate's religion or lack of one should be nobody's business.

Thursday, January 31, 2008 B

"Looking Like a Colorful Leader"
10:22am

Julia said, upon seeing my finished result, "Now you'll have to draw one of Hillary, too!" I suppose I can just reuse the headdress, and put her face in the middle, also resizing for her smaller ear. Maybe I'll do that this weekend.

Later, she said, "Maybe Hillary would look good in Athena's helmet. And you could do John McCain in a Lorenzo Medici Florentine hat! Each could have their own distinctive hat."

Friday, February 1, 2008

"Hearing Voices from the Past"
10:50am

As I put Nemes clad Obama in the Egyptian inspired gallery, I took a look at my sketch of Ramesses II at Luxor, and didn't like my bug eyed result:

So I found the original photo and had another go at him:

Looking at the old statue, it seems to me Ramesses II is speaking to me from the past, his spirit somehow still present in that statue. So I tried to capture a bit of what I sense from that spirit. Again, it is so incomplete and sketchy, but perhaps in the future, I'll do better still.