Wednesday, October 29, 2008

"Morning Doodle"
6:38am

Friday, October 31, 2008

"First Part of Process: Perception"
9:47pm

Tonight's piece represents a new avenue in self portraiture. I am not only expressing about the physical reality, but also my spiritual reality, where I am, and where I want to be:


Larger underneath
(Micron pen and colored pencil on 11x14 inch bristol board)

I began with an observation of my current physical body. I started with micron pen, no pencil sketches first, as this is to be more spontaneous. I just observed without reaction my face in the mirror, with its dark circles. (I always have them, but I think the lighting made them darker. Also, I have got a much needed full two day weekend, to rest up, so maybe some weariness is there.) My scarab (hieroglyph for 'Xeper', 'Willed conscious evolution'), is there, too.

After delineating the physical, I moved from the mirror to try to express the spiritual and conceptual. I colored the red eye first, to represent that in me which is of Set, and then the blue eye, to represent that in me which is of Horus. Then the two sides kept fairly to the warm=Set, cool=Horus tones. I wrote various things to show the mental process:

I am...
I could be...
I am evolving...

Grasping the fire,
holding the inner light securely,
but not too tightly,
so its rays may emanate.

I am becoming...
wiser,
calmer,
more adventurous.

Old doubts
are silenced
as I see
results...

As I colored the hair strands, I wanted to give a feeling of the consciousness and 'third eye' at the forehead. The hairstrands evolved into "SIA", the Egyptian word for perception and consciousness, to further illustrate this.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

"Quick Sketch of Oscar Wilde"
9:33pm

By morning's light, my evening picture is seen differently. I appear to be 'sucking lemons'. I hope this isn't suggesting a rather 'sour' mood prevading the outer edges of my consciousness. If it is, may it only reach the outer edges.

Still, there's been magic and delight. We got up early for a pleasant walk in Gateway park. We took the path which went by the Quartermaster Depot area, and beyond that, I think they're building new museum areas. They're building something. Several workers in bright hued vests were planting flowers and foliage, and a tan shirted lady shooed us away. "Next week," she says, "it opens."

After we got back home, I got back to trying to get all my museum photos up, at least the large size versions. I fear I can no longer make back ups, or copy anything to disc. I tried FIVE TIMES to copy some Yves Montand and Edith Piaf songs to disc, and after trying to write one song, the disc is spat out, failed. The danged planned obsolescence of things! I'll try to clean it with a can of air, to see if that helps. Would it help if I got one of those data storage devices, or is this further effect of the corrupted jit compiler?

Yes, it makes me grumpy.

(Yes, I 'know', I'm ALLOWING it to make me grumpy!) Sigh! Anyway, we saw a marvelous movie about Edith Piaf a while back, which caused me to seek out her music. We also saw one of Lord Nelson, _I Remember Nelson_. This is the guy Laura is related to. I've done a search of Laura's web pages, to find where she mentions it. I didn't turn anything up. But both Julia and I remember Laura telling his tale, usually after she'd imbibed a bit of brandy or black russian. While watching the movie, both Julia and I could see much of him in Laura. One comment about Nelson, "You can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do!" Lord, I tried! It was useless. Also, at one point Nelson confesses to being 'strong on the outside, but not so strong on the inside'. Julia and I were among the few to know that of Laura.

There were weird similaries, too. A scar over Nelson's right eye matched a scar Laura had (his through war, hers through a motorcycle accident). Also, Nelson was 'unconventional' in his love, and Laura was certainly that. I am rather like his Emma. Also, the things he said of Emma reminded me of what Laura said of me, the exuberant love for life.

Somehow, I feel as though I understand Laura better after seeing her distant relative. Tonight, we saw another movie about a famous person, ,_Wilde_ which stars Stephen Fry, "an acknowledged Wilde scholar". It was real. Fry freely portrays Wilde as passionate and sensuous in all his loves. Although Wilde's life ended sadly, no doubt his struggles have helped bring about greater understanding today.

After that, I checked out the Wiki article on Wilde, where I saw an intriguing photo of a man with 'soulful' eyes. I gave it a quick sketch:


His eyes might be a bit mis-aligned, but at least he doesn't look like he's been sucking lemons!

Sunday, November 2, 2008

"Tumbling Forward into Hope and Studs Terkel"
9:35am

The self portrait I did October 31st left me unsettled the next morning. I saw something in it, reflecting things that needed further attention. So last night was for deep processing, I faced some of my fears and came away strengthened.

From my private journal:
"I release my fears... I don't release them by denying I ever had them.

"I will live with my fears. I won't curse my fears. They will stay here as long as they need too. If they go away, that's okay. If they don't, then I will make best joy I can, with whatever time still remains. I will seize each moment, remember myself each moment.

"It is true, one of those moments (I do not know which one it will be), will be my last. At least here in this incarnation.

"Just answer the moment'. I can't answer a million 'what-ifs'. There is no one who can."

Surface self doesn't trust my immortality, though Higher Self tells me it's there, everytime I ask:

Beyond time, beyond space,
you are.
You know that.
Ka hands grasp that fact,
not just 'this moment'.
you are too large to be held in by just one body.

The good that is good always returns,
The gateway is never closed,
That which you touch remains forever changed.
Take strength in this.


'Ka hands' (an aspect of the soul)

Yes, I shall...
tumbling forward into hope,
rolling forward,
(like I did when young, curled up and tumbling the round ball of me over and over and over..)
(knowledge, passion and will to live forever),
tumbling forward.

And so I entrusted mySelf to the future. And I took strength from those wise people in ancient times who kept the flame burning until it could be found anew. Yes, they had to entrust themselves to the future. A long time it would be, while destructive forces tried by all manner of tyranny to crush all dissent. But, by whatever name, the beauty, the undefiled wisdom emerged to receptive ears. Old mysteries re-emerge, heard anew.

None of us can know what the future brings. But we have hope of lasting effect. In the morning, I wake with a quiet joy, ready to face the future with a new confidence.

*   *   *

Later this morning, Julia and I did our customary watching of the CBS Sunday morning show, where we learned the death of Studs Terkel. I used to listen to him via Chicago's WMFT radio broadcasts. His fiesty, exuberant spirit was a joy. As the TV featured snippets of Terkel, I knew his was a face I wanted to sketch.

The Chicago Tribune has the most comprehensive news story about Studs, along with a photo gallery.

Roger Ebert said, "Studs has an insatiable appetite for people and the things they do, and may have read as many books as anyone alive." That's the curiousity! It went into everything he did as a 'author-radio host-actor-activist'. As the Chicago Tribune reports, he "didn't merely conduct interviews. He engaged in conversations. He was interested in what he was talking about and who he was talking to." That same curiousity propelled him into writing eighteen books.

I assembled my sketch screen from a photo accompanying his last interview and one from the Tribune collection:


Self-chosen epitaph: "Curiousity didn't kill this cat!"

Wiki features other quotes of his. "The older you are, the freer you are, as long as you last." Studs Terkel at age ninety-five

One of the captions to a photo in the Chicago Tribune, "Terkel reacts to news that he won the 1985 Pulitzer Prize. "I guess this proves that if you stick around long enough, anything can happen," he said."

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