Monday, December 29, 2008

"Ennui"
8:39pm


My bored lady took the pose of 'Adeline'

Not pleased, our car is again in the shop. When accelerating, the damn thing would whistle. Oh, yes, much is wrong, including the right front hub assembly, along with brakes and spark plugs. I think the second and third items are fairly ordinary ailments, but, sigh! I do not like it. Eight hundred buck estimate, I do not like it. And I hope we will have the car for the long New Year's Weekend.

The last weekend now past, so filled with absorbing and rewarding activity, after work I came home to a bit of ennui. But it went away when I began drawing.

I am so lucky to be able to escape the ennui that is the frequent annoyance of so many people.


Good music also amuses! (Paris Combo, their first album, plus one extra song)

Wednesday, December 31, 2008 A

"Quiet Night"
7:26pm

We at last got our car back. There was an additional problem. At first they thought they were going to need to put a new pump in, in addition to the other things, but instead it was a serpentine belt and idle puller. Result, not as expensive, but still just under nine hundred bucks. And I'm not sure it's perfect. There's no more whistling, but I think the idle is too slow and it has no 'get up and go'. The gas pedal doesn't feel right, like I have to floor it to get it going. But maybe it is okay, and maybe handling it more forcefully is the way it's supposed to be. I'll give it some time before I pronounce judgment.

I was curious about that wheel hub assembly, what it looked like. I found it easily on line, and magnified two different pictures to get an idea of both sides:

We are going to have a quiet night, the only sound "Live From Lincoln Center's" New York Philharmonic New Year's Eve Gala Concert. I may try to sketch from the singers.

Wednesday, December 31, 2008 B

"All the Favorites"
10:01pm

What a fun concert! They did all old favorites, de Falla's "Ritual Fire Dance', arias from _Carmen_, even "La Vie en Rose". I managed a fairly decent capture of Susan Graham, the mezzo-soprano, but two attempts at Lorin Maazel were each dreadful. Meanwhile, the Susan Graham:


She liked having the orchestra behind her, it "lifts you up on wings of string".

I didn't want to give up on Maazel, so I found the online version of his interviews. When the screen focused on his face, I paused, screen captured, enlarged and had at him:


That's Julia's silly comment in the shadings, "This man knows the score".

Thursday, January 1, 2009 A

"Waking with Worries"
5:16am

Is it the dark night
before the hopeless morning?
Or is it the dark night
holding endless possible hope?
Or is the balance in the middle?
I am the one who would hold hope,
cautious hope,
but one which says I can adjust,
mend, repair from moment to moment
the tattered garments of the rich man's soul.

There is something else here,
and I will find it.

(Yes, to fit with my gender, it should be 'rich woman's soul'. But the sounds of that don't flow right. And to attempt some non gender specific phrase, pfft!, I'll keep it as it is.)

This isn't the poem I am looking for, but I'll keep searching, I will find that one too...

Thursday, January 1, 2009 B

"Facing the Fears"
5:16am


These were my thoughts as I drew this intuitive picture:
Thinking of fear. Then thinking of "the 'conflict' between Set and Horus", is 'conflict' necessary, was that a later 'Osirian' idea, that earlier the balancing didn't require 'conflict'? Then thinking again of fear, an unpleasant thing, generally regarded as a negative, is 'conflict' necessary with this 'negative' experience? 'Fighting' fear is not way the to win. Rather, we should 'Face' fear, look it in the eye. For then we can see it is not as large as we feared.

As I look at this picture, there's something about it, a hand gesture within it, and it seems like I should know it. And as I search and find, it is the manual alphabet sign for the letter "Y":

Was that part of the intuitive symbolic message, or is that unrelated co-incidence?

Thursday, January 1, 2009 C

"Cleaning the Mess"
2:51pm

The Feng Shui expert that speaks on the "Bob and Sheri" radio show advised us to clean at least one area of the house to clean out the old stale chi. I'd been needing to do this, with or without advice from her. I was beginning to feel defeated that the best I could ever only do is clear off half of the table. How unpleasant, to eat our meals beside a high pile growing wider and wider. So I tackled it today:

I took note of the last time I'd done this, about two years ago.

Then I photographed the computer area. Note that except for the oil painting, I've changed all the pictures since then!

Saturday, January 3, 2009

"Pausing for Pride"
6:54pm

I continued my cleaning today, tackling the huge pile of artwork I've amassed over the years. I've been very productive! I made piles for each 'grade', and sorted thusly. Now all the better grade pieces are together, and things are neatly sorted, instead of the huge jumble I had before. I'll be able to find things better, too.

I want also to assemble pieces for sale, and I've begun on that, as well. Only a few of those pieces have links that click through to a page, but it's a start.

While I was going through the artwork, I found a sheet on which I'd carefully handwritten quotes I wanted to save. A couple resonate with me still.

"Fragment by fragment", yes, it works this way:
"There are very few human beings who receive the truth, complete and staggering, by instant illumination. Most of them acquire it fragment by fragment, on a small scale, by successive developments, cellularly, like a laborious mosaic."
- Anais Nin

No matter how we become illuminated, this coming into being is certainly something to be proud of. The following quote makes me smile:

"Show me someone not full of herself and I'll show you a hungry person."
- Nikki Giovanni, from "Poem for a Lady Whose Voice I Like", _ReCreation_, 1970


Peacock (who likely is as 'proud' as a peacock can be) visiting us at the lovely gathering with friends we enjoyed yesterday

I'm so glad our friend took photos so we can better remember the event.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

"Sharing an Epiphany"
2:07pm

Remember the image I did to illustrate the Tarot strength card? I am aiming to come up with a poem to go along with it. I began by studying the meaning of this card, and learned this card is about the internal process whereby we integrate the more primal aspects of ourselves to best advantage, and of course, the aspect of ourselves that does the integrating. Wikipedia explains, "There is a further connection with the heart chakra in kundalini yoga." The heart is the integrating element.

So I thought I'd discover more by looking further into the chakras:


(Printable underneath)
Chakra One: Red, Muladhara, means "root".
Chakra Two: Orange, Svadhisthana, The Seat of Life, Svadhisthana means "sweetness", also called 'One's own abode'.
Chakra Three: Yellow, Manipura,The Power Chakra, means "lustrous gem."
Chakra Four: Green, The Heart Chakra, Anahata, means "sound that is made without any two things striking."
Chakra Five: Bright Blue, Visuddha, which means "purification." Communication is the activity and function of the fifth chakra.
Chakra Six: Indigo, Ajna, The Vision Center, means both "to perceive" and "to command." as in a 'psychic' sense.
Chakra Seven: Violet, Sahasrara - The Crown, Sahasrara chakra, which means "thousandfold"

It is interesting that there are even sounds associated with these chakras, as the Llewellyn Encyclopedia explains:

Chakra One: Ooo as in home
Chakra Two: U as in rule
Chakra Three: Ah as in father
Chakra Four: Ay as in play
Chakra Five: Ee as in free
Chakra Six: Mm as in hum
Chakra Seven: Ng as in sing

How Egyptian! "Hu", 'utterance', heka as 'words of power', what if 'hu' was really pronounced 'he-e-e', to fit the 'long E' for the throat chakra. It's certain the Egyptians knew about these centers. In Lucie Lamy's _Egyptian Mysteries_, I discovered an interesting thing that shows ancient Egyptians knew about the 'chakras' (seven frontal cobras):

"...a strange passage in the Pyramid Texts tells us that the King 'absorbed the seven frontal cobras [uraei' which then became the seven cervical vertebrae which commanded the entire dorsal spine'. These cobras, which spit fire, recall the Kundalini 'serpent-fire' of the Hindu tradition, and this passage also seems to refer to certain of the vital centres or chakras, one of which occupies precisely the place of the royal uraeus in the forehead."

I believe the Was scepter, in addition to being a representation of Set's power, also illustrates the chakra path, starting with its forked root-like bottom and ascending to the head.

De Lubicz via Paul LaViolette explains the was (uas) scepter: (He has a negative view of Set, but it's simple enough to see beyond that.)
He explains that without Set, Osirus could not exist, and is thusly shown grasping the was scepter, which "displays Set's head with his two ears and long snout and its bottom end display's Set's distinctive forked tail."

"This inference that the scepter might signify the concept of process finds support in Egyptian lore. Its symbol, commonly called the 'key of the Nile,' was known to the Egyptians as the uas. It was placed in the hands of all the Neters and played a significant role. According to Schwaller de Lubicz, the uas represents a living branch that conducts nourishing, vivifying sap, fluid that ascends without again descending. It denotes the flux of the Word, the primordial ether, the active creative function. An examination of canes and scepters found in pharaonic tombs shows that the uas was made from the living branch of a tree that had been cut so as to include a section of the lower source branch as well as two offshoots coming from its upper end (figure 2.5). Sometimes it was left in this natural form and covered entirely with gold, like the one found in the treasure trove of King Tutankhamen. More commonly its appendages were bent to form an angled head and forked tail, perhaps by forcefully molding the wood while it was still wet."
(From _Genesis of the Cosmos_, page 30)

(I saw wooden Was scepters at the Met Museum.)

As I see it, strength comes up through the root, and keeps on spiraling upwards, getting ever refined as it is channeled towards various ends.

But how am I going to get a practical poem of process which illustrates and helps enable the strengthening process? I keep studying so that my Higher Self has a good amount of information to synthesize for inspiration.

Meanwhile while I was studying the chakras, I had a small bout of fear. It washed over me, and I could not think at all. I thought the fear itself was perhaps a clue, for I'd found these words:
"the seat of the vritti of fear (bhaya) is the stomach".

I sought further writings and came to a meditation in which the meditator asserts over and over they are not afraid of anything.

Long poems of various similar assertions seem uneffective to bringing about courage. Furthermore, the thought goes to 'denying the body'. The meditator is urged to 'deny the body', which it is at the least impractical and at the worst dangerous! How did it get like this, that to focus on spirit, some think you must deny the flesh?

'Denying the body' is what Setians call the OSIRIAN way!

Not that there's anything wrong with Osiris himself. He has his important role to play in maintaining Ma'at. But I'm referring to those who so shun the material world that when they die want to stay in the underworld with Osiris and not get reborn into a new flesh vehicle. There's several ideologies out there with this mind set. They call it 'liberation', which is most deceiving.

They forget that in the god-transformations, Osiris rises. The seed that is buried is 'born again' to new life.

Meanwhile, here we have 'belly chakra' (Svadhisthana), and when weak, it has fear. But the secret is not to deny the body and these chakras which seem connected with the body, although not visible to science.

The fear did not last long. But how did I lose the feeling of fear?

I got distracted from it!

What distracted me?

Some other thought which was much more intriguing absorbed me!

(Here I think of Don Webb's phrase 'Emotions follow thoughts' in his _Essential Guide to Left Hand Path_). So if 'distraction' worked, then the ability to consciously wield that distraction is a point of 'strength'. But it isn't a matter of asserting a thing's opposite when you want to surpass that thing. If we do that, we are still caught in that thing's framework. We have to go beyond that thing to the larger world. When I had the 'ah ha' that the fear could give me a clue, I was transported out of it.

How can we do this consciously? In the 'fear' instance, we don't deny the fear, we let it sit where it wants to, but if we change our focus, that which is changing the focus remains in control. (That which is changing the focus' could be manifesting through the heart chakra, "integrator of opposites in the psyche" (sacredcenters.com) and the crown chakra, "the place where we study consciousness itself" (Llewellyn Encyclopedia).

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